I TOLD EVERYONE ABOUT WHAT I WANTED TO DO TO PURSUE ART, WRITING AND MUSIC AS EARLY AS 1964 AND I WORKED AT DEVELOPING MY CREATIVE PROJECT FOR MORE THAN FOUR DECADES IN PLAIN VIEW OF MANY PEOPLE. IT WAS NOT A SECRET.

 

LINDON COLLARD TOTAL RECALL

Saturday, September 23, 2023

ORDINARY LIFE WHEN I LOOK BACK AT IT, WAS JUST A WASTE OF TIME.

I LAY THERE THINKING: "WAS I BRAIN-DEAD OR STUNNED"? WHEN I REMEMBER THE TIME I SPENT NOT DOING WRITING, ART, AND MUSIC. I WENT TO WORK, I RODE MY MOTORCYCLE, I HAD A GIRLFRIEND, I SAT AROUND WITH GROUPS OF PEOPLE, WHO WERE SMOKING AND DRINKING AND WE WERE TALKING AND LAUGHING, BUT IT ALL SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN POINTLESS.

FAMILY LIFE RANGED FROM HORRIFIC BETRAYAL TO CLOYING TIME WASTING.

THERE WERE MOMENTS OF JOY RIDING MY MOTORCYCLES AND LAUGHING AT THE ROUND TABLE BEFORE IT HOSTED MORE SERIOUS DISCUSSION WHICH I ENJOYED EVEN MORE AND WHICH DID WORK TO FURTHER DEVELOP AND INSPIRE ART, WRITING AND MUSIC.

WHEN I LOOK BACK AT DOING PAPER MACHE' OR LOST WAX CASTING OR MUSIC COMPOSITION AND PRACTICE, I THINK OF THAT TIME AS TIME WELL SPENT IN THE PURSUIT OF A CAREER AS AN ARTIST EVEN THOUGH, SADLY, THAT DID NOT GET TO HAPPEN.

I THINK THAT SEVERE INJURY AND THE VIRTUAL PARALYSIS WHICH FOLLOWED WAS EXACERBATED BY THE CONTINUAL BETRAYAL BY OUR SOCIETY'S INSTITUTIONS THROUGH THE DENIAL OF NECESSARY SUPPORT  FOR MYSELF WHICH I HAVE ALWAYS PAID FOR WITH PREMIUMS AND TAXES.

I AROSE SLOWLY, BIT BY BIT, FROM TONIC IMMOBILITY OR SHELL SHOCK  OR A PERIOD OF WORSENED " STIFF PERSON SYNDROME" AND I WAS PROBABLY HAPPY WITH BEING UP AND AROUND AND MAKING A LIVING AGAIN.

WHEN I NO LONGER HAD TO WORK TO MAKE A LIVING, FROM 2001, TO 2016, WHEN I WAS BADLY CRIPPLED AGAIN, I DID THE MOST VALUABLE AND IMPORTANT WRITING, ART, COMPOSITION, MUSICAL PERFORMANCE, PAPER MACHE' AND ITS ANIMATION AND VIDEOS FOR YOUTUBE.

THERE HAD BEEN PREVIOUS TO THIS A FEW PERIODS OF TIME WHERE I DID A LOT OF ART OR MUSIC COMPOSITION, LYRIC WRITING AND RECORDING THAT.

THERE HAD BEEN A FEW YEARS HERE AND THERE WHERE I WORKED ON MY LIVE PERFORMANCE ON HARMONICA.

ALL OF THE AFOREMENTIONED SKILLS HAD TO BE COMBINED TO SUCCEED AT WHAT I SOUGHT TO ACCOMPLISH. 

THE STYLES OF HARMONICA PERFORMANCE I EMULATED

BLUES CENTRAL WAS AT THE YALE IN THE 1990'S, DOWNTOWN ON GRANVILLE IN VANCOUVER BRITISH COLUMBIA. 

I WOULD SAY"I WILL PLAY TONIGHT IN THE STYLE OF FAMOUS HARMONICISTS.

MY AMPLIFIERS WERE MARKED TO ACHIEVE THE VARIOUS "SOUNDS".

I HAVE THE BOOK OF SETUPS KEYED TO THE MARKINGS ON THE MUSICMAN R 65 AMPLIFIER I USED THEN. ( I USE A RIVERA RESEARCH TWIN COMBO NOW.)

I WAS INFLUENCED BY ALL OF THE HARMONICISTS LISTED HERE SOMETIMES EVEN UNKNOWINGLY.

• Charlie Musselwhite

• James Cotton

• John Mayall (Bluesbreakers

• Little Walter

• Mark Hummel (The Blues Survivors)

• Paul Butterfield

• Sonny Boy Williamson 

• Magic Dick

• Paul Oscher (Muddy Waters Band)

• Stevie Wonder

• Alan Wilson (Canned Heat

I WOULD STAND UP AT THE YALE AND PROCLAIM: TONIGHT I WILL PLAY IN THE STYLE OF: LITTLE WALTER, OR JAMES COTTON, OR CHARLIE MUSSELWHITE OR SONNY BOY WILLIAMSON, OR WHO I THOUGHT WAS "MUDDY WATERS" WHO WAS ACTUALLY PAUL OSCHER, OR PAUL BUTTERFIELD WHO WAS AS I WAS THE PREFERRED HARMONICIST OF BLACK MUSICIANS. 

NO ONE WANTED TO PLAY THE SET FOLLOWING MARK HUMMEL. I WAS HAPPY TO DO IT. MARK REACHED DOWN AND PULLED ME UP ONTO THE STAGE. I SAID "THAT SECOND NUMBER WAS QUITE SPECTACULAR." "COME AND SIT WITH ME AFTER YOUR SET" HE SAID, " I WILL SHOW YOU HOW TO DO IT".

AT THE END OF MY CAREER, BEFORE I WAS HIT IN THE CHEST BY MY STUPID PUSSY WHIPPED BROTHER ANDREW I WOULD STAND TO PLAY ANYWHERE AND DECLARE " I AM THE WORLD'S GREATEST HARMONICA PLAYER AND I AM GOING TO PROVE IT NOW". 

EXCEPT AT THE YALE WHERE I SAID "NOW I AM GOING TO SHOW YOU HARMONICA MUSCLE."

This is an animation of one of my 1990's harmonica compositions and performance.

WHY DO PEOPLE LOVE TAYLOR SWIFT?

TAYLOR SWIFT CAN'T DANCE. HER SCREECHY WHINING AUTO TUNED ONE TONE VOCALS SEVERLY IRRITATE ME.

JULY 4 2023 CNN "THE FOURTH" MUSIC AND FIREWORKS

I HAVE WATCHED MOST OF THE "FOURTH" PROGRAM.

ALANIS MORISSETTE PUT ON THE MOST CREDITABLE SET I HAVE SEEN SO FAR.

ALANIS CAN SING LIKE NONE OF THE OTHER PERFORMERS EXCEPT FOR BRAD PAISLEY WHO CAN REALLY SING AND HIS GUITAR WORK IS IMPECCABLE.

HER VOICE SOARS AND WAILS AND CLIPS.

ALANIS' BAND WAS SO GOOD, WITH AUTHORITATIVE GUITAR LEADS BETTER THAN SHERYL CROW'S BAND. SHERYL'S VOICE WAS WEAK AND DID NOT DO THE VOCAL GYMNASTICS THAT ALANIS DID.

ALL THE RAPPERS WERE JUST PLAIN AWFUL AS USUAL. LISTEN TO AND WATCH "FLORIDA" FOR THE BACKING TRACKS.

SHANIA TWAIN WAS GOOD AND HER "MAN I FEEL LIKE A WOMAN" WAS BETTER AND SHE PRESENTED A TRULY PERFECT APPEARANCE. HER COSTUME WAS EXQUISITELY GLAMOROUS.

SHOULD FAMILY BOORS DO EVERYTHING THEY POSSIBLY COULD TO MAKE SURE THAT THE WRITER, ARTIST MUSICIAN COMPOSER AND PERFORMER SHOULD BE CONSTRAINED SO AS TO PREVENT HIS ACHIEVING HIS GOALS?

 

FAMILY BOORS LOOM

THE FAMILY BOORS WERE VOCAL IN THEIR DEFIANCE OF MY ART 

WRITING AND MUSIC. THEY WERE MILITANT AND OBNOXIOUS AND 

OMNIPRESENT TO INTERFERE WITH ANY BENEFIT 

WHICH I MIGHT BE RECEIVING. THEY WERE FALSE AND 

MANIPULATIVE AND DEFAMATORY IN THAT THEY CLAIMED TO 

KNOW I WHAT I WAS THINKING AND DOING 

IN MY ART, WRITING , MUSIC AND BUSINESS WHICH 

THEY WOULD CLAIM WAS THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT 

I SAID AND WROTE. THEY SAID I WAS CRAZY WHILE 

I WORKED AND ACQUIRED SKILLS AND CREATED MY ART 

AND MY INFRASTRUCTURE.

SHOULD FAMILY BOORS DO EVERYTHING THEY POSSIBLY COULD TO MAKE SURE THAT THE WRITER, ARTIST MUSICIAN COMPOSER AND PERFORMER SHOULD BE CONSTRAINED SO AS TO PREVENT HIS ACHIEVING HIS GOALS?

July 01, 2023

WAS IT A MISTAKE TO DECLARE THAT I WOULD SEEK TO HAVE A WIDE RANGING LIFE EXPERIENCE WITH THE HOPE THAT THIS WOULD ENABLE ME TO WRITE?

I REMEMBER TRYING TO WRITE AS A TEENAGER AND AS A YOUNG ADULT ONLY TO FIND OUT THAT I HAD NOTHING TO WRITE ABOUT. 

I SOUGHT OUT ARTISTS AND MUSICIANS AND MOTORCYCLISTS, SEEKING THE UNIQUE EXPERIENCES THAT THESE SUBCULTURES WOULD PROVIDE.

THE MARIJUANA CULTURE WOULD BE A MAJOR EXPERIENCE WHICH I HAD ALWAYS HOPED TO PORTRAY.

THE FAMILY WAS MOBILIZED CHILD TO SENIOR AND COAST TO COAST, NOT TO HELP ME WITH MY PROJECT BUT CRUSH IT AND MYSELF ALONG WITH IT.

ANY TIME THE FAMILY BOORS MADE PLANS, AGITATED TO CHANGE THINGS OR SCOOPED UP MONEY FOR THEMSELVES THAT WAS MINE: 

THERE WAS NEVER ANY CONSIDERATION WHATSOEVER FOR MYSELF NOR FOR MY PROJECT NOR EVEN FOR MY AVOWED SEARCH FOR A WIDE RANGING LIFE EXPERIENCE.

Click on 

FAMILY BOORS LOOM 

SCROLL DOWN THE BLOG TO VIEW ANIMATED PAPER MACHE' HEAD VIDEOS ABOUT  WHAT I WAS FORCED TO ENDURE INSTEAD OF MY FERVENTLY DESIRED WIDE RANGING LIFE EXPERIENCE. 

WHEN I WAS FIVE I HAD A NUMBER OF HOHNER AND KOCH CHROMATIC HARMONICAS WHICH HAD BELONGED TO MY UNCLE CONNIE.

 i

I WOKE UP ONE MORNING. THEY WERE GONE.

THE ENTHUSIASM AND ENERGY NECESSARY TO PERFORM LIVE MUSIC ARE HARD TO LEARN AND TO PRACTICE BUT THE FACILITY IS EASY TO DESTROY.

MY ORIGINAL 1993 PERFORMANCE ON HARMONICA, LIVE AND UNCUT AND ANIMATED FOR ME ACCURATELY FROM MY STORY BOARD BY KEVIN FOX.

IN 1992, I WAS AT THE HEIGHT OF MY ABILITY TO PLAY HARMONICA AND TO DANCE LIVE ON STAGE.

IT IS POSSIBLE THAT ALL IT TOOK WAS FOR POLICE, BY-LAW AND SHERIFFS WITH THE BAILIFFS THEY WERE ESCORTING BASED ON MY EX-WIFE'S INCREDIBLE SENSE OF SELF ENTITLEMENT ESPOUSED BY PEOPLE WHO HAD SWORN AN OATH TO THE CROWN THAT THEY WOULD NEVER TAKE PART IN SUCH AN OBVIOUSLY UNLAWFUL CRIMINAL ENTERPRISE.

WHAT WAS MINE WAS NOT HER'S NOR WAS IT TO BE TRANSFERRED TO HER BY THEM.

BETTY COLLARD OR TRIXIE DASHEVSKY (IF YOU GET MARRIED UNDER A PHONY NAME, ARE YOU REALLY MARRIED?) CLAIMED THAT I HAD ABANDONED MY HOUSE AND WAS NOT MAINTAINING IT AND THAT HOUSE WAS "HER FUTURE SUPPORT". 

NONE OF MY HOUSE EVER BELONGED TO HER NOR WAS IT TO BE HERS TO SELL AND GOBBLE UP MORE FREE MONEY WITHOUT LIFTING A FINGER TO DO ANY WORK EVEN IF SHE COULD FORCE ME TO SELL MY HOUSE, WHICH IS ALWAYS WHAT SHE WAS TRYING TO DO WITH THE HELP OF POLICE, LAWYERS, BY-LAW AND OTHER WOMEN, THE NEIGHBORS.

THE CONTINUAL ATTEMPTS AT SEIZURE AND THE EXPULSION OF MYSELF ON TO "THE STREET OR IN JAIL" EVENTUALLY DEFINITELY BROKE MY SPIRIT COUPLED WITH THE ENDLESS SLAVERY STARING AT CONCRETE WALLS AS I GREW MARIJUANA TO PAY EXTORTION WITHOUT ANY PAY FOR MYSELF CERTAINLY BROKE ME DOWN, USED ME UP AND PREVENTED MY LEAVING HOME TO FURTHER MY MUSIC CAREER.

IT IS POSSIBLE THAT AS SOON AS THIS CONCERTED EX-WIFE AND LAWYER AND POLICE, SHERIFF, BY-LAW AND BAILIFFS RAID AND ATTEMPT AT SEIZURE HAPPENED THAT WAS IT. I WAS KNOCKED OFF MY HORSE RIGHT AWAY. I HAVE NEVER FELT THE SAME AGAIN AS I DID IN 1992 WHEN I WAS AT THE HEIGHT OF MY ABILITY TO PERFORM LIVE HARMONICA AND TO DANCE LIVE ON STAGE. 

MORE FACTS ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF MY MUSIC PERFORMANCE AND DANCE PRACTICE AND PERFORMANCE.

DISABLED NOT COMPENSATED

Friday, June 23, 2023

PHYSICIANS KNOW THAT MUSIC AND DANCE CAN BE IMPORTANT TO RECOVERY FROM BRAIN INJURY OR A NEUROLOGICAL PROBLEM.

MY INSTINCTIVE REHABILITATION FROM VIRTUAL PARALYSIS TO BEING ABLE TO PERFORM AND DANCE LIVE ON STAGE WAS DEMONIZED BY MY UNCARING SELFISH SOCIOPATHIC FAMILY WHO RECRUITED POLICE AND BY-LAW AND EVEN THE NEIGHBOR WOMEN. NONE OF THESE PEOPLE WHO WERE RECRUITED HAD EVER MET ME, NONE OF THEM HAD EVER HEARD ME PLAY HARMONICA NOR HAD THEY SEEN ME DANCE.

REGARDLESS THEY ENTHUSIASTICALLY  AND WHOLEHEARTEDLY COMMITTED THEMSELVES TO ENDING MY MUSIC CAREER, FORCING THE LOSS OF MY PROPERTY AND THEY TRIED TO JAIL ME.

THE MUSIC AND DANCE WERE IMPORTANT FOR RECOVERY FROM INJURY. A FEELING OF SECURITY, COMPANIONSHIP AND FREEDOM FROM FEAR AND APPREHENSION ARE ALSO IMPORTANT IN RECOVERY. THESE ATTRIBUTES WERE RUTHLESSLY DESTROYED BY THE COLLARD FAMILY WOMEN'S CRIMINAL GANG, POLICE, BY-LAW, SHERIFFS, LAWYERS AND THE UNDERCLASS NEIGHBORS.

Neurologic music therapy (NMT)

In some cases, neurologic music therapy (NMT) may be helpful as a rehabilitation and recovery tool. Neurologic music therapy is a specific training focused on the use of music and musical elements to motivate and target change (neuroplasticity). It is often used in connection with specific goals related to physical movement, communication, cognition, and emotional control and stability.

Music therapy & physical independence

When an individual wants to improve their uneven gait (how they walk)(or what about a complete inability to walk more than a few feet?), live music can be used to motivate them to take more coordinated/even steps. Rhythmic music and different chord progressions engage with the motor cortex of the brain.

“Following brain injury, our brain constantly recalculates how much energy it will take to carry out each function. When energy demands are too great on the brain, it causes our movements to become abnormal: tremors, stiffness of muscles, effect on balance or pace."

Default Mode Network  is active in reasonably automatic bodily actions, self-consciousness and self-related thoughts, emotions and memories. The main brain areas are the posterior cingulate cortex, the ventromedial prefrontal cortex, lateral inferior parietal lobes and medial temporal structure. Activity in the Default Mode Network has been associated with creativity and pain reduction , music listening , musical improvisation , narrative thinking and autobiographical memories, as well as the experiential self , and making decisions considering self, such as future goals and events . 

When multimodal training is combined with previously learned music and dance material and skills, memory- and motivation-related brain regions may be re-activated. The Hippocampus is crucial in storing and retrieving the non-overlapping representations of the distributed cortical activities when different events are encoded. An important fact is that the Default Mode Network  physically includes the hippocampus and adjacent areas. More specifically, many of the key neocortical regions constituting the Default Mode Network are functionally connected with the hippocampal formation and show spontaneous activity correlation with it .

I RECALL.

 

LINDON COLLARD TOTAL RECALL

Sunday, May 14, 2023

THERE WAS A WIDESPREAD AND LIFELONG 

MOTIVATION BY VEXATIOUS DISCONTENTED 

PEOPLE TO CRASH WHAT I WAS DOING AND 

CANCEL ME BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT I HAD 

IT TOO GOOD AND I SHOULD EXPERIENCE 

LOSS AND POVERTY AND LONELINESS.

MY SISTER JOANNE TOLD ME AS I STROVE TO BECOME PRACTICED AND SKILLFUL ENOUGH PLAYING HARMONICA TO PERFORM EVERYTHING I WOULD BE REQUIRED TO TO OBTAIN EMPLOYMENT IN THE MUSIC INDUSTRY, AND I HAD TO SUPPORT MY FAMILY WITHOUT ANY HELP FROM MY SPOUSE AND I HAD TO MAKE THE EXTORTION PAYMENTS TO MY WIFE AND MY MOTHER OR THEY WOULD COST ME EVEN MORE MONEY AND PROPERTY LOSS AND THEY HAD ALREADY  COST ME MY TIME AND MY MOBILITY.

"YOU HAVE TO LEARN THE MEANING OF LOSING " JOANNE (COLLARD) PHILLION. 

OOPS, THIS IS ANOTHER JOANNE REFERENCED VIDEO.

HERE IS THE JOANNE VIDEO I WAS LOOKING FOR.

THAT WAS AN EXAMPLE OF A FAMILY BOORS HAMPERING ME AND WANTING TO "TEACH" ME ABOUT "HARD TIMES".

IN THE WORLD OUTSIDE THE FAMILY EXTORTION AND FALSEHOOD THERE WAS ANOTHER CONSTRICTION TO BE APPLIED TO MAKE EVERYTHING I WAS DOING SO MUCH MORE DIFFICULT. MY EX-WIFE EXULTANTLY PROCLAIMED:"THE POLICE ARE TURNED ON TO YOU, I HAVE TOLD THEM (THAT)YOU ARE VIOLENT AND AGGRESSIVE AND 'YOU FLY OFF THE HANDLE'. THE POLICE ARE TURNED ON TO YOU." "I WANT YOU IN JAIL OR ON THE STREET" BETTY OR TRIXIE SAID.

THE POLICE NEVER GOT INTO CONTACT WITH ME OR INTO CONFLICT WITH ME EXCEPT WHEN THEY WERE SENT TO MY HOUSE, HOLD YOUR BREATH NOW, ALMOST ALWAYS BY WOMEN, BUT MEN ALSO DID IT, ACTING POWERED BY MY EX-WIFE'S FALSEHOODS

August 03, 2022

THERE WERE ONLY THREE SPEEDING TICKETS FROM 1980 ON, WHERE I WAS IN CONTACT WITH THE POLICE I PAID THE SPEEDING TICKETS THAT WERE BONA FIDE AND I FOUGHT ONE PHONY ESTIMATED SPEEDING TICKET.

( 2015 or a bit earlier I was ticketed and I paid for two more speeding tickets, on the Sokeahalla four lane headed to Sooke, near Humpback Road.)  

THE FACT THAT I DID NOT HAVE ANY CONTENTIOUS CONTACT WITH POLICE EXCEPT WHEN THEY WERE SENT TO MY HOUSE BY FAKE 911 CALLS MEANS MORE THAN WHAT IT WOULD SEEM TO MEAN.

IF MY EX-WIFE, BETTY COLLARD OR TRIXIE DASHEVSKY, HAD NOT SAID I WAS VIOLENT AND AGGRESSIVE AND "ABUSIVE" AND HAD NOT ENCOURAGED OTHER WOMEN TO CALL THE POLICE ON ME WHENEVER POSSIBLE, I MIGHT NOT HAVE HAD ANY CONTENTIOUS CONTACT WITH THE POLICE. 

MORE PROBLEMS WERE STARTED BY PEOPLE WHO CAUSED ACCIDENTS WHERE I WAS INJURED. I THINK I WOULD HAVE BEEN TREATED DIFFERENTLY BUT FOR THE LIES TOLD BY MY EX-WIFE. POLICE WERE NOT MOTIVATED TO HELP ME AS WELL BECAUSE THE EX-WIFE LIED SAYING I "HATED "LAWYERS AND POLICE. MY EX-WIFE BROUGHT ALL OF THEM ONTO ME WITH HER FALSEHOODS.

CORONATION CONCERT SCHMALTZ

THE WEAK MUSIC WITH THE SHRILL VOCALS WAS ANNOYING. I HAVE BEEN WRITING AN UNRELATED E-MAIL AND ONLY ONE LIONEL RICHIE SONG WAS INTERESTING ENOUGH TO HAVE ME REWIND AND CONCENTRATE ON HOW SOME OF THE MUSIC WAS DONE AND TO WATCH THE GUITAR PICKING AND FINGERING.

THE SHOW REMINDS ME OF PRE-ROCK MUSICALS IN THE 1950'S WHICH WERE ON THE AIR WHEN I WAS A SMALL CHILD.

THE OLD TIMERS WERE SCHMALTZ WELL REHEARSED AND SMOOTH. 

KATIE PERRY'S SCHMALTZ IS SCREECHY AND I WILL TURN IT OFF. 

WHAT A RELIEF. 

THE ENTIRE SHOW HAD A HUM OR DIN IN IT THAT SET ME ON EDGE. 

FROM SHELL SHOCK LIFE, posted to Facebook.

I HAVE TO GET TO BE FIT ENOUGH TO RE-INSTITUTE MUSIC PRACTICE.

IN THE 1990'S I WOULD WRITE SONGS, PRACTICE THEM UNTIL I COULD DO THEM PERFECTLY, THEN ON A NEW DAY OF PRACTICE, START BY PLAYING THE SONG THREE TIMES IN A ROW AND RECORDING IT. THERE ARE A NUMBER OF 2005 ON VIDEOTAPED VERSIONS OF THE WRITE, PRACTICE, AND RECORD PROCESS BEING EXECUTED. THERE ARE THREE HUNDRED HOURS OF STEREO TAPES MADE ON A SONY HX PRO USING NEW ONE SIDE ONLY HIGHEST QUALITY TAPE

SHELL SHOCK LIFE

My devastating Shell Shock is the result of childhood to 76 years old with sociopaths 

harassing and intimidating me trying to effect their terminal supervision conquest.

Sunday, April 23, 2023

SHELL SHOCK MAY BE AN IMPORTANT CONTRIBUTOR TO MY TONIC IMMOBILITY, COLLAPSE AND THE VIRTUAL TO TOTAL PARALYSIS WHICH I AM EXPERIENCING NOW. I CANNOT EVEN DO MY, PREVIOUSLY ALWAYS DONE DAILY, MUSIC PRACTICE.

I FIND MYSELF, REPEATEDLY, IN A SEMI-FETAL POSITION. I AM HALF CURLED AND MY LEFT LEG IS BENT MORE THAN THE RIGHT LEG. I DO NOT MOVE A MUSCLE.

 Postscript: I often do not get relief without applying traction to my back and/or neck,       or legs and in addition, often, I have to interlock my fingers and apply traction by     curling my hand to pull on my  fingers and my arm or I pull out my fingers by         grasping and twisting my fingers and applying traction to my finger joints.

THIS IS THE "THROWN DOWN" PART OF ONE OF THOSE MOTHER'S ATTACKS WHERE MY NECK WAS TWISTED TO THE RIGHT AND THEN YANKED BACK TO THE LEFT AND I WAS THROWN TO THE FLOOR.

WHEN I WAS SNUCK UP ON AND THROWN DOWN, AND SOMETIMES JUMPED ON AS WELL, A PAVLOVIAN COLLAPSE RESPONSE WAS CREATED. 

I CAN COLLAPSE IF I AM THREATENED OR IF I THINK SOMEONE IS GOING TO SNEAK UP ON ME OR IF AN UNJUST PUNISHMENT IS ATTEMPTED. THE IMPOSITION OF A PLAN TO HAVE NUMEROUS AUTHORITIES STALK, CHARGE AND JAIL ME CREATES A WEAKNESS IN MY ENTIRE BODY.

WHEN I HAVE BEEN SURROUNDED BY HOSTILE PERSONS I HAVE COLLAPSED, USUALLY DOWN MY LEFT SIDE, WHICH COMPRESSED AND INJURED MY KNEE.

AFTER EVERY INJURY, COLLAPSE OR CONVULSION, VIRTUAL PARALYSIS AND TONIC IMMOBILITY SET IN, ALONG WITH, AT THE WORST, THE REVERSE ARCHED BACK WHICH IS A SYMPTOM OF  

SHELL SHOCK.