LIVE ROCK CRITIC 42      GIRL BAND AND GIRL



As I watch television I peruse the listings. I see musical acts which will be performing and I set my DVR to record the program. I got MIA and HAIM this week. Girl and Girl band. Don’t you have to be able to sing better than a sing along, which is what the weak vocals in Haim sound like. Sing along is not rock and roll.

                                                                                      

HAIM performed December 7^th 2013 on Saturday Night Live and MIA was hosted by Stephen Colbert the week before.

I do not know what the MIA message is except: I am so cute I can do absolutely anything in front of my recorded music-like tracks.

The musical backing and performance for both MIA and HAIM is sparse and has none of the excitement and dynamic change which should characterize a live rock performance. I believe that MIA and HAIM purport to be rock performance.

The performers are excited it seems as they plod through lacklustre rendition of repetition.

　

Maroon five was the first group I thought delivered a tiny bit of almost music with a huge dose of we are so cool we really do not have to play or sing.

Repetitious and undistinguished lyrics delivered by persons who cannot sing and bland unexciting music are becoming the norm. I was watching a David Foster interview. He said that without star power there was no hope that a great performance could be created.

LIVE ROCK CRITIC: LIVE ROCK CRITIC FORTY-ONE: CRITICIZING THE REF...

LIVE ROCK CRITIC: LIVE ROCK CRITIC FORTY-ONE:    CRITICIZING THE REF...: LIVE ROCK CRITIC FORTY-ONE:    CRITICIZING THE REFLECTORS I cannot help myself; I am absolutely truthful and sincere in my criticism. I...

LIVE ROCK CRITIC FORTY-ONE:    CRITICIZING THE REFLECTORS

I cannot help myself; I am absolutely truthful and sincere in my criticism. Informed that an act is great I watch and listen. I have viewed and heard great performances. If I do not experience the fine music which I am looking for I will analyze what is the problem.

I get right into finding fault, spotting flaws and exposing fakes. I can't help myself.

Jelena Adzic gushes over Arcade Fire’s double disc with five minute plus tracks “Absolutely killing it” with mush music. Next, enthusiastic about Blue Rodeo’s same old folky country. To add to the mediocrity “Henly “ whoever they are spewed insipid pap in the Canadian tradition of not quite Rock crooning . It is hard to really Rock. Enthusiasm, inspiration and much calculation and rehearsal can result in the exciting space changing music which I think Rock Music should be.

I despise weak Rock and folky Rock and country Rock but I do realize that there are many people who do enjoy all that bastardized Rock and even bebop and rap.
                                                                          

I am certain that “Arcade Fire ‘ consider themselves to be a Rock Band. Have they tightened and toughened, and practiced ? Are they ready to Rock.. I will be honest and open minded as I listen to “Arcade Fire Reflectors” slow moving fumbling start. I am listening intently, hoping things will pick up .The slow fumbling is a foil, an antipasto with the main course of Rock to come. I have doubts, are most people satisfied with what I am dismissing?


The Reflectors have thrown off their paper heads and emerged as the huge mob of the Arcade Fire Gang.                                                                  

 The lead guitar spits out a hot lick, a bit like a splash of hot sauce on a gefriska matzo, the bland flour paste is not improved by hot sauce, garish the sauce floats as an irritant on the tasteless pap. The drums are weak, rhythm not very punctuated timely nor precise
                                                                     
There is a turn on a dime reaction time in Rock music . The musicians must function together like the parts of a machine, unfailingly reacting with strength and certainty to each change in the music the rest of the band is performing. As wrist pins and pistons follow con rods attached to the crankshaft the instruments have to be precisely worked by the musicians. There are options in Rock and Roll where leads surf on a bed of sound.

There is a matter of relevance which governs those options. Arcade Fire creates a swarm of unconnected rhythms and leads which are not a viable substitute for the solid backing which Rock leads require. There is another type of skill required where the music moves the listener. What lends real excitement and drama to a Rock performance ?. I think that a large part of that depends on the vision of the writer.

There is a lack of any coherence in the “Reflectors” performance I am criticizing which aired on the Stephen Colbert Report. Repeating and reprising do not create coherence.

Did anyone else notice that when the performance was over Wynn leaned his guitar up against his amplifier to rush up and embrace Stephen Colbert and the guitar fell over and crashed to the floor.

                                          LIVE ROCK CRITIC 40   ELTON  AND  CYRUS

 

 

 

Flamboyant and politically incorrect sexuality is portrayed by both of these performers. Elton is slowly losing it and Miley is just getting it. Seeking fame through extravagance and notoriety is classic rock methodology.

                                                   

Flashy costumes and provocative lyrics characterize their performance. Miley is wilder of course as it is 2014. As radically as Elton john portrayed himself it was a more restrained time. Miley is more overt and I thought she was her best at the MTV Music Video Awards 2013. I am listening to Elton John “Live in East London”. It has been schmaltzy, the voice pretends instead of in the old days exhorting and explaining. Elton has a new album “The Diving Board”. New song “Home Again”, not very energetic very schmaltz, melodic and ponderous but just a bit weak. Fortunately there are no backing tracks everyone plays live; but “Home Again” sounds like many old Elton John Hymns. “ Oscar Wilde Gets Out” is more of a dirge than a hymn. Folk music with a hint of Gypsy and a twist Rachimonov produced a mildly spiced schmaltz.

                                                                              

During his performance of “Levon” Elton is doing a more energetic job at this point with some very complicated high notes, all live. “Rocket Man” has some spacey new sounds in it on slide guitar and synth. Elton does sound just like he always did right now live.

I have fast forwarded through the dated boozy hymns. They are fast, probably good to dance drunk to years ago. The voice sounds insincere on some of the old songs sung to many times.

Miley Cyrus has been performing since she was a child. Her successful father had the music industry connections. Her role as Hanna Montana was and still is widely televised. “Hanna Montana” and “Breakout” albums made her more successful than most adult musicians.

Miley’s sexual posturing at fifteen should have prepared us for Miley Cyrus and Robin Thicke at the MTV Video Awards.

The portrayal of sex on the MTV Video Music Awards is the logical extension of her self promoted image. I do not think a twenty year old is a child. She is an entitled permitted and credible sexy actress. I thought that the direction and the choreography of her performance at the MTV Music Video Awards with Robin Thicke are stunning; In my opinion the performance was a well planned and executed portrayal of how many adults really look at sex and love. The performance was a Voguging of heterosexual lust.

Miley on Saturday Night Live. On October 26^th 2013 I witnessed Janelle Monae performing on SNL. Her performance was mediocre with her band producing weird fractured music. Once again I wonder why would she be on Saturday Night Live.

October 26^th 2013 Miley Cyrus is on Saturday Night Live appropriately as everyone is talking about her and she is performing in a manner which is similar to the performances hosted on SNL. Her band played live and played well to her core audience in her first number. The performance was not spectacular but it was very well received.

I didn’t like her second number on October 6^th 2013 on SNL. Cyrus looked sick and drained compared to her rousing performance at the MTV Awards.

LIVE ROCK CRITIC 39     Musical Wastelame

　

I moved to Moncton New Brunswick in 1958. The radio stations in the Maritimes played two types of music, downeast music was very old fashioned fiddle heavy chorale. What you had with downeast music was mad fiddling and gigging with everyone in the band singing at once all the time. Don Messer and the Islanders were extremely popular.

                                                                            

Drug store cowboy music was the other type of music offered by the radio stations in New Brunswick and the rest of the Maritimes. Perhaps this was when I learned to dislike country and western music. The C&W was particularly schmaltzy, one song after another about dead horses and dogs and lost loves. It was all very much the same, one country song after another.

                                                                            

Are we in a new musical wastelame? Do promoters find cute performers and regardless of lack of talent push these performers forward, book them and hype them and what do we have as a result? Photogenic meritocracy

　

Canada Day was a lame rock convention. There were acts which were not bad but not good, Is there anything so foolish as mediocrity on a huge stage, hyped by enthusiastic introduction and most perplexing, positively received by an applauding audience.

 

 

Carly Rae Jepson performed the same tune twice in Ottawa on Canada Day. The same tune in the same limited atonal vocal range. The second worst was probably Marie Mai, the backing track was an uninspiring unchanging mass of mush with faked bass and guitar. Marie did the jello waddle.

Sylvain Cossette had a real band which could actually play they were a bit laid back and too country for my liking but there was some good entertaining musicianship.

Presented with the hugest hype and lights was the band Metric. The announcer touted Metric as an exceptional award winning band. The music was pre-recorded, poorly. I am absolutely sure, by repeatedly viewing and listening, that the music was pre-recorded, with vocals when no one was singing and an organ which was not present on stage. There were two keyboards on stage but were they actually played. Stadium Love was un-dynamic mush with stupid lyrics and crappy guitar complete with extraneous running around on stage.

Metrics second number “Breathing Under Water” was a bit better. There was a really great light show and laser show with fireworks. All of the trappings and gear but unfortunately not a lot of talent on Canada Day.

                                                                                                         

　

Stephen Colbert is a leading competitor in or the lame rock presenter of all time. With Postal Service performed on July 8^th 2013 “ The Postal Service” performed a pathetic weak mumbling vocal to a computer derived backing track. I am watching the performers hands and mouths as I listened. I would describe The Postal Service as having ZERO musical skills. The Front Women carries a guitar all through the performance but does one or two second leads, Postal Service has out posed Phoenix.

I have just cued up another Stephen Colbert, must be payola, performance to their credit “The Lumineers” are playing their instruments but unfortunately no one in the band can really play or sing. The same refrain is repeated over and over again, how boring this.

                                                                            

The incredible lameness of so many of Stephen Colbert’s guest bands is amazing and seems irrational to me. Stephen Colbert is a successful entertainer with a successful show. I am very suspicious as to what would motivate Colbert to host such lame “rock” losers.

Many of the readers of Live Rock Critic could access the Stephen Colbert performances, really, take a look and listen for yourself.

　

                                                                             

 

　

LIVE ROCK CRITIC 38 STUPID

I might be stupid reviewing the artists on TV.

The promoters of modern musical acts might be stupid.

Promoters and television executives might think that                                         

Audiences are stupid.

Stupid is perhaps an overall descriptive adjective

Appropriately applied to many modern musical acts.

I am deeply touched by how incredibly talent less so many highly promoted musical acts are hyped, featured and falsely praised.

Beyonce just happened to be the first act I viewed and listened to since I wrote LRC 37 about Paul McCartney.

The Beyonce Act immediately impressed me with the hugely uninspired choreography. Despite the overwhelming unexcitingness and the undistinguished performance Beyonce struts around like she is producing a great triumph. She dances all through her performance but is any of it any good? I didn’t think so. The memory sticks in my mind of
Beyonce wallowing sexually in front of a fakery of a drummers performance as a talent less boob beats drums in a fake ecstatic frenzy.

Beyonce exhibits an extremely limited vocal range. I find her singing amateurish and not at all cute. I don’t know what to think Beyonce is trying to portray as she exhibits puerile and vulgar and sexual posturing with an angry aggressive look on her face?                                        

                                    

On and On the muddy over vocalised mush goes on an on. Try to make it exciting, use sex, discharge fireworks: Who thinks this woman is great? The whole Beyonce scene reeks of cheap rap crap. The presentation is straight from pimpsville .

One line for Phoenix, poseurs.                              

Arcade Fire live at the Artists Den, 2012. I am continually surprised how the audience loves really poorly done live music. Perhaps they have to be told of greatness, then someone could shout at them and beat on pans, oh that’s rap.      

                     

Arcade Fire is a barely organized large band. No one can sing, there are no spectacular band moves, no great individual musical instrument performances. One weak vocal weaker than the last, pathetic solos, another modern 1910 Fruit Gum Company.

 

 

Rap. Yes the rap goon squad, Chris Brown and Drake bitch fighting, scratching each other or something like that in some crappy night club. Drake holding a vigil outside of Little Wayne’s hospital room, what else, most of the soap operas are off TV, it looks like the rappers are going to take over that emotional slob slot.

                                                                             

The rap Clown Dance: One act after another with pre-recorded background tapes and creepy dudes faking the playing of instruments. Macklemore with Ryan Lewis, the performances where fruity Macklemore wears gold epaulets is the epitome of “Clown Dance” Another sticking feature of this act and so many modern acts is constant personnel changes.

                                                                              

When Macklemore appeared on Steven Colbert’s show, the big black guy was missing who either did or just faked on stage the only good vocalization in the entire Clown Dance with gold epaulets performance.

Macklemore's performance on Steven Colbert was absolutely the pits and incomprehensible as well. Gay is so cool today, why not gay rap, despite all the homophobia portrayed in rap I have always thought that many or most of those dudes were on the downlow.

                                                                                 

Macklemore was either bragging or complaining about what I would guess was growing up gay somewhere.

 

Saturday Night Live May 11^th 2013. I have to admit that as I search for excellence I am really expecting to find goofs in today’s new bands. Vampire Weekend, right from the first note, weak vocal mediocre musicianship, what are these jerks doing on national TV?                    

                                                                                

More terrible on Saturday Night Live: Justin “Yuk” Timmberlake. Timberlake’s first number harks back to the Fifties with a muddy chorus and Justin’s shallow effeminate tenor. There is a very effective and very good choreography show, but the erotic fantasy is far from mainstream. Am I shallow, or politically incorrect as I voice my criticism of prissy dated femmemoves by men dancing?

                                                    

The National, May 22 2013 on Steven Colbert. Steven Colbert describes the National as dark and perfectionist. What an ass Stephen makes of himself, does he do it for money, do all these odd ball musical nerds pay their way onto national TV?

The National produced pathetic musicianship, uninspired and entirely lacking the excitement of rock. The singer was too intimidated to look up.

Surpassing all of the blandness, irrelevance and weakness of all of Saturday Night Live’s mediocrity is Canada’s own Anne Murray and Friends. Truly disappointing moves, music that never soars or swells, vocals that never soar or swell, I feel ennui regarding my own song writing and a sense of worthlessness and meaninglessness as I watch the established artists Anne Murray, Jan Arden and K. D. Lang and their friends in self laudatory repertoire performances falling in love over and over again always in the same old voice.                

               

                                              
　

                           

                                                                           

　

　

　

　

　

　

                                           LIVE ROCK CRITIC   37   PAUL McCARTNEY 



 
　

                                                                      


 


 Paul McCartney played the Sandy Relief Concert on 12 12 12 and Saturday Night Live i5 12 12
.
 goes on, he makes no mistakes. He does not slow down or sing off key. Right on Paul.McCartney is

venturing into new musical art in " Valentine ". I am not fond of string heavy slow romantic tunes but

 Paul can pull it off. I thought he had done a two minute performance and I thought that is how he

kept my interest, short. The song was more like four minutes that seemed like two .

McCartney has the resources to play two songs with two separate and striking ensembles. The second

 ensemble is a very nice three piece rock band, the " surviving Nirvana members". Paul calls the

 performances with Nirvana jams and he jams using an electrified hillbilly cigar box ukulele with

plates and a slide. Grohl is a bit over the top for how good his drums are, not he high point of the jam

 for sure. The ensemble sounds a bit disorganized to me but the Saturday Night Live Crowd is wildly

 enthusiastic. McCartney is right on with his vocal, whooping successfully where so many fail,

 screaming and roaring and he looks small beside the Nirvana bassist , but Paul is loud.

Paul is joined by the Nirvana survivors again at the Sandy Relief Concert. Another very energetic jam

 with high points created by McCartney, some very fact staccato vocal work with a helter skelter

 tone. McCartney signals he will reach out from the wildest Beatles creations , harder, more Rock. I

do agree, time for more hard rock! Wipe away the faux and posed geeks who permeate music today.

McCartney continued with smooth perfect rehearsed performances "Live and Let Die" was

spectacular. Once again the resources spent on McCartney's multiple ensembles and pyrotechnics and

 light show is staggering and amazingly effective. Paul is trying to make a new name for himself once

 again. "Let Me Rock It" features a nice Beatles style Les Paul and it is well played by Sir

 McCartney. Simple tasteful and direct and accurately on key.




"Helter Skelter was electric, beyond Beatles. Paul sings on key and I think that the failure to be on

key makes so many bands unenjoyable, off key grates on my nerves. On key makes me feel like we

 are flying, synchronized, connected, together. " Blackbird featured some acoustic guitar by

 McCartney that was better than good.